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Empty Promises by ~archergirl2000:iconarchergirl2000:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Emotional


He walked by
Not even chancing a glance
Sat down and turned away

I opened up to say hello
My voice caught in my throat
Please don't ignore me
He smiled, cruel and teasing
As another took my place

Her lips tasted his ambrosia
My life-giving force
She turned to me
Her expression taunting

Tears threatened to well up
I blinked them furiously away
The scene before my eyes
Played out like a movie
I was the betrayed one, the victim
In this treacherous labyrinth
My hero was gone

Emotions took flight as well as I
My heart raced as I am

His voice echoes behind me
Calling out my name
I yearn to go into his arms
My will holds me back

I stop and turn, his fate decided

You prmised to love me
Until the end
To take care of me
Forever

You also promised to be true
To never hurt me
Or break my heart

Don't try too hard

Leave now and forever hold your peace
Take your whore and go
Your apologies mean nothing
They contain no love
Only the empty promises
From long ago.
©2002-2009 ~archergirl2000
:iconarchergirl2000:

Author's Comments

Wrote it in religion this morning and by the advice of 8thcircuit i'm posting it without butchering it. ^_^;;;

Comments


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:iconladynyk:
~ladynyk Jun 17, 2002, 9:56:52 AM
wow.. this has a very nice flow.. and I like your word choice-- I felt like I was watching a scene rather than reading a poem..
:iconlivercake:
~livercake Jun 17, 2002, 9:58:56 AM
Awesome. I can feel what you felt at that moment, you trasmitted your emotions very well through the poem. All I have to say about this are two things. One: Be strong. The only person who can make you cry, will not waste your tears. And Two: There are plenty of fish in the sea.

btw, awesome poem. +fav
:iconravensaint:
~ravensaint Jun 17, 2002, 12:54:22 PM
The subject matter is all to familiar to me at this time in my life, which may be why I feel so drawn to it. I like the struture of the words, and "Take your whore and go" nice and strong. I will give this the Thumbs Up award, + Fav...PS remember that its never abut you...Its always about them

--
RavenSaint
The night is my mistress, and upon her breath I spread my wings...
:icon8thcircuit:
~8thcircuit Jun 18, 2002, 8:50:28 AM
Very moving, and I think it is one of your better works. "Her lips tasted his ambrosia
My life-giving force", I love that!
:iconkatybear:
~katybear Jun 18, 2002, 10:09:17 AM
wow jenny..... this is just...... awsome!

heh, i can relate to it.... its horrible to go through, watching someone u love, love someone else....

i think its ur best yet! :D (Big Grin)

--
Loves gift cannot be given,
it waits to be accepted
:iconsyco3d:
~syco3d Jun 18, 2002, 3:11:06 PM
u didn't choose simple-easy desriptive words...u described everything in detail, or at least what was nesesary (sp)...I don't comment on many poems, but wow---this is awesome.

--
-------
:roll: :O :D
:iconbetween-balance:
~between-balance Jun 18, 2002, 11:44:11 PM
wow
very powerfull
i love the flow and feeling in this
but i feel as if ive been there before
nice work
*favs*

--
:pride:...:peace:...:flagus:...:music:...
-fight for what you belive in-
:iconandymale:
~andymale Jun 23, 2002, 12:40:46 AM
I've been reading all of your poems this morning and I must say you've got the talent to make people feel what you're feeling through your words. Keep the great job, don't ever stop writing, sharing emotions makes our lifes worth while living. =) (Smile)
:iconcoldmortality:
~coldmortality Jul 1, 2002, 11:31:35 AM
I like this poem ...but I think it could have been ended after this verse:

You prmised to love me
Until the end
To take care of me
Forever

I'm thinking it shoudl be ended after that basically because after it, it kinda sounds like youre talking it out instead of writing it out ... the emotion and feeling is there..definitly.. but i think the message could have been reached after that word: Forever. ... but hey its your poem.. just thought i'd give you a suggestion :D (Big Grin) ..anyways good work..you really show a lot of sincerity and devotion in your poems.. makes me wana read some more of your work :) (Smile)
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